I cut up my credit card on Monday.

I have 50$ for the next two weeks (for groceries, car bombs, laundry, and truck dudes-see last post), but it needed to be done. This could be considered insane considering my financial situation. I know this, and maybe not everyone will agree with my decision (“what if there’s an emergency?”) but I. Am. Sorry. It needed to be done.

No wait, I’m not sorry. I am thankful that I FINALLY have decided to cut the shi* and take responsibility for my financial life in a scary, but definitive way.

Here’s why I did it:

 1. I live in New York City. If ANYTHING happens to me that is THAT IMPORTANT, ATROCIOUS, LIFE THREATENING, I can guarantee you that it will not require a credit card first.

If something does require one, then it can wait. Or there are ways around it. Ask for a payment plan at the dentist (my current situation). If you drive,  give someone your ATM card to hold when your car gets stranded (and you have no way of paying the guy immediately but can ask your significant other, parent, grandparent, etc. for money to borrow). There is always a way out.

For me, as long as that credit card stayed in my four-year-old purse (really, what do I buy if my purse is four years old?), it would be used. Especially because it’s October and Christmas is coming.  Psychologically, the idea of not being able to buy my mother presents would hurt me more than seeing my credit card debt go up. ( I understand that this is a misguided “paradigm” shall we say; I should instead shower her with love and affection not things she’s never going to use…)

2.  The debt shi* has got to end. I’m getting a huge bonus this year. And none of that money is mine. It belongs to Target Visa. And that SUCKS. All I’ve bought of note with that card was my computer two years ago. I literally cannot name one purchase I have made with it since-besides alcohol at the bar. I’m serious (and I dont have like, 500$ in credit card debt. Its not pretty, believe me…more on this later).

3. Cutting my card supports the “what do i really need” theme that is hitting me so hard over the head that I can only conclude that it is exactly where I’m supposed to be in my life; defining my true values and aligning my life with them.

I only need: Food, Water, Shelter, and Clothing to survive winter in NYC.

You want to know how I felt the second after I did it? Relieved. Isn’t that funny? Relieved! Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Even though I may be out of money in a day, I’m ok with it. If it means that I have broken this cycle of debt to payment and not really being in control, I feel RELIEVED. Its OVER. I can start again.

So I guess what will follow will be more trials and tribulations related to Freezer Chicken and Truck Dudes but I’m looking forward to them. I am currently eating really bad chilli (its basically marinara sauce) that I made in hopes of sustaining myself for a week- but you know what? I’m sucking it up. Chilli that was supposed to be delicious is terrible but I have all my teeth and limbs and I dont have to walk ten miles in the snow to get to school, etc., etc.

See? Things are more in perspective than they have been in over 2 years.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Hughesy said,

    Lovin’ this blog JillyP.

    You’re doing great things and I think you’re definitely on to something. something big. I love the “can’t take it with you” vibe you’ve got about money and material things. It’s SO true.

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